Dean Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
downswinging) wrote2012-04-03 08:51 pm
downswinging) wrote2012-04-03 08:51 pm
-- tell me are you crazy, and did you mind the cold,
[ Locked to roamings & thenerdangel. ]
[ The bar's practically empty, the only other people inhabiting it the same kind of down and out drunk that Dean's just aiming to be. The barmaid - Candy? or Sandy? - keeps giving him the eye but Dean's barely pays her any attention beyond refilling his glass. It's what she's doing now, leaning over so he gets the full view of her cleavage and the glint of her name badge (oh, Mandy). He used to give a crap about this kind of stuff, would respond to the pretty waitress without a thought, but recent years have taken the joy out of it. People are best kept where they can't stab you in the back the moment your boundaries are down. He's learnt that the hard way.
Besides which, he's barely got enough room in his brain to contemplate the cheap and meaningless fuck she's offering. It's the Apocalypse, all day, every day. All he has to do is think about that and his libido gets doused in cold water. Dean could fix things, he could save the world for one little yes, and he used to think it was a good thing having pride, that being the kind of man who didn't back down for nobody was what made him special.
Now he just wonders if it's just stubborn fear clogging up his throat each and every time.
Glad he came out alone, Dean knows it's just going to be one of those nights, the kind where it'll be the blur of alcohol filling his system, hopefully getting drunk just enough to ignite some kind of life in him. Maybe he won't say no to Mandy, maybe he'll go home with her and avoid having to find an excuse to sleep in the Impala, avoid having the very conversation that's been brewing on the horizon between him and his brother. Cas too, the rare times he's around. They're disappointed, but it's okay, so is Dean. He's the one with the most of it.
Glancing away from the reflected bar-back, he swallows down the entire glass, feels it scrape raw against his throat. ] Another when you're ready, sweetheart.
roamings & thenerdangel. ][ The bar's practically empty, the only other people inhabiting it the same kind of down and out drunk that Dean's just aiming to be. The barmaid - Candy? or Sandy? - keeps giving him the eye but Dean's barely pays her any attention beyond refilling his glass. It's what she's doing now, leaning over so he gets the full view of her cleavage and the glint of her name badge (oh, Mandy). He used to give a crap about this kind of stuff, would respond to the pretty waitress without a thought, but recent years have taken the joy out of it. People are best kept where they can't stab you in the back the moment your boundaries are down. He's learnt that the hard way.
Besides which, he's barely got enough room in his brain to contemplate the cheap and meaningless fuck she's offering. It's the Apocalypse, all day, every day. All he has to do is think about that and his libido gets doused in cold water. Dean could fix things, he could save the world for one little yes, and he used to think it was a good thing having pride, that being the kind of man who didn't back down for nobody was what made him special.
Now he just wonders if it's just stubborn fear clogging up his throat each and every time.
Glad he came out alone, Dean knows it's just going to be one of those nights, the kind where it'll be the blur of alcohol filling his system, hopefully getting drunk just enough to ignite some kind of life in him. Maybe he won't say no to Mandy, maybe he'll go home with her and avoid having to find an excuse to sleep in the Impala, avoid having the very conversation that's been brewing on the horizon between him and his brother. Cas too, the rare times he's around. They're disappointed, but it's okay, so is Dean. He's the one with the most of it.
Glancing away from the reflected bar-back, he swallows down the entire glass, feels it scrape raw against his throat. ] Another when you're ready, sweetheart.